The place where the unreal meets the real and magic mushrooms really are magic. Strange and unusual, alternative tales of Melvyn the Bomoh from The Fat Man's Kampung.

No civets were force fed coffee beans during the writing of these stories

Kampung Kecil

Pak Cik and Mak Cik came running out of their blue painted stilt house in time to see Melvyn and the Geek disappearing up the road in their Rocsta jeep, Melvyn was giving a small nonchalant wave out of the driver’s window, “Bloody bomohs” Pak Cik would have been heard to say if there were anyone else to hear other than his slightly deaf wife. “It’s Melvyn Ma, it’s him in our jeep, where’s our Abungah, where is he Ma?” for the last bit of the sentence Pak Cik had to raise his voice so that his wife could hear. Mak Cik pointed towards the disappearing Rocsta, “No Mak, where is our Abungah” this time said with more than a little irritation in the husband’s voice, “Put your glasses on old man, look at our jeep, there, waving from the back window” and she was right, there was the distinctive hand of their loving younger son Abungah waving frantically from the rear window as Melvyn and the Rocsta crew rounded the corner and was gone from Pak Cik and Mak Cik’s sight.

“Melvyn, Melvyn we have a passenger” the Geek shouted and jumped up and down excitedly on the passenger seat of the Rocsta. “Don’t be stupid, I know you’re here you don’t have to make a fuss “”No it’s not me, there is someone on the back seat.” Having rounded the corner Melvyn briefly stopped the jeep and turned to look into the back seat. A teenage human boy looked sheepishly, and a little bleary eyed, back at Melvyn and gave a little coy wave.

“Who are you and what are you doing in my jeep”, said Melvyn ignoring the fact that he had just stolen the jeep, the boy looked back, grimaced, then smiled a smile which declared to the whole world, not just to Melvyn and the Geek – I’m stupid, in other words the typical smile of a seventeen-year-old male. “Er, Abungah, sir” “And what is an erabungah” asked Melvyn “No it’s just Abungah” said Abungah, “Ok Just-Abungah, what are you doing in my jeep” “Sorry, sir, but I was guarding it and fell asleep””Guarding it from what” said a curious Melvyn “From bomohs who might want to steal the jeep in the middle of the night, sir” smartly replied Just-Abungah. The Geek jumped up and down some more on the passenger seat then rolled over with laughter, he said “Boy, I like you.”

“Ok, out” said Melvyn “Er, I can’t” said Just-Abungah “And why not””Because this is only a two door car and I can’t get out until one of you moves and opens the door” “Mmm good point” Melvyn tentatively agreed. The Geek made to open the door and Just-Abungah reached over the back of the passenger seat and stopped him “Look, I’m sure that wherever you are going, and whatever you are doing is much more exciting than being here, can I come?” “What” said Melvyn, “You want us to kidnap you?” “Well no” said Just-Abungah “By the way what is that!” Just-Abungah remarked pointing to the Geek, “A friend” said Melvyn “Oh am I, oh am I” said the over excited and faintly sarcastic Geek “Shut down and sit up” was the reply from Melvyn. “Don’t you mean shut up and sit down” said the Geek “I know what I mean” said Melvyn. “I can be very useful, O and I got some money” interjected Just-Abungah, as an afterthought, “How much” said a thinking Melvyn “About two hundred ringgit” Just-Abungah ejected but didn’t elaborate on how useful he could be. Melvyn did some quick calculations and smiled an inner smile.

“Ok, give me the money then get out” “I’d rather stay” said Just-Abungah “Don’t you argue with me I am a bomoh”, said the bomoh “I might turn you into a frog, or worse - half a frog” with that Just-Abungah looked just like a seventeen-year-old who had his hopes crushed, he started to cry. “Oh no not tears, what are you a girl” said a very unsympathetic Melvyn. “ Nobody ever wants me to be with them, I’m always left out, they don’t even pick me for sepak takraw (sepak bola)” and Just-Abungah moaned on sniffing back the tears also dribbling down his nose until eventually Melvyn, instead of turning the boy into a frog, or even half a frog, said “Ok, ok, you can come, just stop with the earache ok!” Just-Abungah smiled and wiped his tears with his over large white shirt, then blew his nose of the sleeve. The Geek smiled too, he had a liking for this boy. Melvyn saw the mucus on the boy’s sleeve and gave a shiver of disgust.

Melvyn told Just-Abungah the story so far, about the wreck of the surgery, the stolen jam and his wife gone missing – in that order. He re-started the jeep, which had stalled, and in another belch of black diesel smoke drove on. Just-Abungah neglected to mention his little secret to Melvyn, and kept it firmly tucked inside a little drawer somewhere in a chest-of-drawers, in a small room, hidden in the kampung house which is his mind.

“So where we off to” was a natural enough question from Just-Abungah, and “Mind your own bloody business” was a natural enough answer if you were Melvyn. The Geek went to join Just-Abungah on the back seat, and they sat there talking together as Melvyn steered the Rocsta out of the kampung and onto the main road heading northwest.
After a few minutes a little guilt, or was it a little humanity, pricked Melvyn’s hard to find conscience “Ok we’re going to meet a friend of mine, another bomoh by the name of Al Kal, but prefers the name Clark. Before he became a bomoh he was a circus strong man in the country up north, we’re going to see if he can help, see if he knows what’s going on, ok?” The last ‘ok’ was said in a manner which indicates that if it isn’t ok, then tough. “It’s in a place called Kampung Kecil, a little off the beaten track but we should be ok in this,” indicating the jeep.

Melvyn drove through the small town, around the back, across the railway bridge and off onto a small side turning to the left. He followed the twisting turning track until it led him onto a path just wide enough for the jeep and alongside the railway line, this he followed until the path eventually widened onto an old tarmac road. This seemingly deserted road took his past small mining pools and some old houses built in the long roof style, known locally as rumah kutai or Indonesian house style. These impressive, but now decaying, wooden houses were scattered along the road which led towards a river. Melvyn slowed the jeep just a fraction to glimpse at their antique splendour as he passed.

He followed the road until it went over two bridges, and, at the second pulled of the main road once more onto a dirt side road which led through a huge palm oil estate. He followed this for a few kilometres, again past small mining pools and tiny kampungs (villages). By now the light was beginning to fade and Melvyn could see the Geek getting visibly nervous.

“We’re not going to be out at night are we, are we” “Shouldn’t think so” said Melvyn “Only I’m a bit worried about ghosts””D’yer mean hantu” said Just-Abungah “No, he means ghosts, Chinese ghosts, there was a lot of tin mining around here and there are many Chinese souls trapped on earth in this area, there are Chinese ghosts and Chinese vampires here too, but they only come out at night, don’t worry we should be ok in this” Melvyn said tapping the jeep’s steering wheel. Just then an all white figure hopped like a bizarre kangaroo across the dirt path, its arms were straight out in front of it and they could all see the red lights in its eyes as it turned its head to look at them. The Geek and Just-Abungah called “Aio, aio” in tandem and clasped each other for comfort.

Luckily Kampung Kecil was just ahead and Melvyn drove the jeep as close to bomoh Clark’s house as he could. The lights were on and bomoh Clark (alias Al Kal) came out to meet them as the jeep pulled up. “Why is he wearing an ‘S’ on his T-shirt, and why is he wearing his underpants on top of a pair of women’s tights” enquired Just-Abangah. “Don’t ask too many stupid questions, boy, let’s get in out of this night first shall we” whispered a weary Melvyn.

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